THE ONE NIGHT STAND

When I was 4 years old walking the streets of Soho with my mother we came upon a large red labrador retriever waiting for it’s companion outside the store.

The dog instantly opened it’s mouth and licked the side of my face.

Giant scratchy, slurpy dog droll and all...I did the appropriate thing I licked the side of the dog’s face right back!

When it comes to intimacy I have always had the impulse to get closer. Whatever it is! I stick my nose in the flower to smell more sweetness. To partake in relationship deeply is one of my definition’s of intimacy and this is certainly my life’s purpose, always has been just not sure I always recognized it as such.

There has always been an impulsiveness in my dealings with this force inside myself and sometimes it is based on instinct and I follow the right choices and sometimes it is simply my force of nature barreling down doors to closeness that are better left shut.

Some of these entries expose my vulnerability on navigating more wisdom around my interaction’s with intimacy and in the process of doing that I have made poor choices, I have made wise choices, I have made wise choices that have led to poor outcomes and I have made stupid decisions that have brought me boon’s. I can’t say there is a particular right and wrong in the way I view my action’s except to say that as long I am genuine and authentic in being myself and living out my life’s purpose, I am on the right path.

Last summer was a summer of keeping things light for me. I have always felt a strong sense of responsibility and yet I have an inner 4 year old that longs to get out there and lick many faces!

Fortunately, I have only one licked face to tell you about.

It was Gay Pride weekend and the city is always bustling with ripe sexuality, gregariousness, and a thirst for adventure.

My friend Rocky and I were out on the town bar-hopping which always makes for an interesting night. She and I go back to Junior High together so our inner teenagers are always engaged when we are in each-other's company.

She is a sexy, gorgeous blonde with a great laugh and men tend to organize themselves around her. I am a cute, funny, sexy brunette....you know the drill.

I really don’t mind because bar-hopping has never been my ideal social outlet for unleashing high hopes for love it is mere entertainment that I partake in kind of like karaoke...you do it every so often and it stay’s funny...too often and it is a bit disconcerting.

I am at that point in the night where the alcohol and the interaction’s have produced my outer bubble. My outer bubble is a protective energetic shield that keeps people from interfering with me...in other words I should go home.

Yet, Rocky is holding court over the pool table with a couple admirers and I believe very firmly in the buddy system so I am content to sit on the couch, watch and observe.

This is when he decides to sit beside me and make small talk.

He is ridiculously handsome and I am immediately certain he is gay.

I will preface and say I am not the best with this...my “gay-dar” has been off in the past and I am not considered a likely oracle in my circle when it comes to deciphering a man’s sexual preference.

He is good company. He is funny and inquisitive and his eyes are mediterranean and sparkle with gold flecks of light.

I am also a little over intoxicated and the bubble is still holding my space.

Not even sure why he chose to talk to me at this stage in the evening seeing how he is gay but I make the most of a pleasant conversation keeping my eyes on Rocky, making sure she is ok. She is a fiery Italian and after drinking she has been known to cause a stir but this is also my responsibility factor holding court in my loyal heart. My friends are my life and I will protect them.

Back to my gay guy who is professing his attraction to me...Wait I say “Nuh, anh....you are gay Monsieur and mistaken! Its pride weekend! Get out there and party!”

I know this sounds lewd, obscure, and many things....but it made perfect sense to me at the time to say this to him. That is my only defense.

Surprisingly! He was unscathed by my ridiculous out of line statement. He took it as a challenge. “I will show you how gay I am” and he kissed me.

I kissed him back....Not so gay.

We kissed some more....hmmmm, no definitely not gay.

The bar is closing and I receive an invite from my now not so gay admirer to accompany him to Brooklyn.

The dog licker in me erased my bubble of protection and accepted the invitation.

I was attracted, fascinated, and when I am wrong I am always provoked to deep curiosity to seek, to know, to get closer to that which I don’t know anything about.

We put Rocky in a cab home while she screamed threats in Italian at my suitor....she has her own protective instincts.

We got in a cab and went to his house in Williamsburg. A gorgeous place! We sat on his roof and watched the sun come up over Brooklyn.

We retired to his dark, air conditioned cave and crashed.

When I awoke I took in my surroundings. The room was dark and very cave-like hard to establish time of day darkness. I went to the bathroom and got some water he had a brita with cold lemon water...I loved this!

I went back to his room and he was stirring we kissed and while we were embracing I realized quite horribly that I did not know his name....

How had I managed to get through High School, College, my twenties, most of my thirties and here I was at 37 a perfect cliche.

Shame and embarrassment brought on my defensive shield.

“Hey, good morning!” I said after we stopped kissing.

“Morning, gorgeous” he said.

“Do you know my name?” I asked.

Another great moment for me.

“Ummmm” he said. “I guess I don’t.”

I moved away from him defensively.

Mind you the guy just woke up and here is where he amazed me.

“What’s your name?” He asked.

“PU-leeze!” I spat in defense “I don’t think so!”

“Oh, come on don’t be hurt! It was that kind of a night. Tell me your name?”

Tight lipped I refused and shut down physically because I was so internally embarrassed for myself I didn’t know his name and that mattered to me. He was fine and had no clue about my inner turmoil he had no cares as to whether I knew his name or not.

“Ok” he said. “I may not know your name but....” he grabbed my hand and held it. “If I can tell you ten things about you that I know, will you tell me your name?”

Tight lips pursed defiantly, I said “Twenty and you have a deal.”

Mind you...I don’t know his name!

“Ok...twenty, piece of cake” he said with confidence and ease.

I get into a mode of protection and defiance every once in a blue moon when and most often it is internally based. I have done something or said something or eaten something that just was not in my character and I can’t make peace with it. So the waves of my persona begin crashing upon the rocks in order to soothe my inner conscious. He was my calm sea though! He was unpreterrbed and deliberate....it rather annoyed me and I had no faith he would pass the test.

One: You live in Soho

Two: Your mom is a tap dancer

Three: You teach yoga

Four: You wanted a tattoo when you were twenty but your sister discouraged you because it was a tramp stamp and a cobra and you had no idea of the consequences living with that on your back so you didn’t get it.

Five: You sing

Six: You dance

Seven: You love to cook

Eight: Your friend is a possessive Italian who you have known since the age of 12

Nine: You have been to Hawaii

Ten: You love cheese

Eleven: You have a sister and a stepbrother

Twelve: You grew up in NYC

Thirteen: Your best friend is getting married in October and you can’t wait.

Fourteen: You are a good kisser

Fifteen: You like old rap music

Sixteen: You tell people you speak Italian but really you don’t

Seventeen: You are buying a house on cape cod

Eighteen: You lost your best friend

Nineteen: You dig my apartment

Twenty: You are glad you met me.

I was undone....I had no defense, I was blown away. It was one of my sweetest dearest dating moments of the year.

Here I was obsessing on whether I knew his name, whether he knew mine and he smoked that significance out with a bonfire of good intention.

Yet, I had no comeback. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was consumed with my daring choice of action that was outside my normal limit and it was not my comfort zone.

Clearly it was his! And this is my point that when we are being authentic and to the point we engage in a way that exudes our gifts and our purpose.

I was out of my range. I was in Brooklyn! I didn’t know his name and I was reeling in my own angst about breaking out of my comfort zone and having my first ever cliche one night stand.

This did not sit well with me....but his energy and his ability to recite twenty things to me about myself whilst I sat there and listened.

This broke down a layer from my past.

In yoga we talk about patterns and how when you break an old pattern a part of you will most likely pulsate, shake, vibrate and this is your bodies way of shifting physically.

After my night of debauchery, after my choice to go home with him, after his list of twenty, my inner core was shaken and I needed time to process.

He made me breakfast and we spent some more time together.

But my inner core was shaken and couldn’t wait to get out.

I hit the rode and got the heck out of dodge.

He was the one who taught me more about intimacy in a year of dating online than anyone.

Intimacy is paying attention and listening and being in your skin.

When our choices are so out of character that our ego’s are alert and unleashed to the extent of excruciating numbness or self centeredness we are the farthest from intimacy we can ever hope for. We are like a Shakespearean Tragedy filled with revenge and paranoia unable to hear our closest sage’s speak words of wisdom.

I made a pact to stay close to my heart’s gift which is a deep desire to know to seek to learn to admire and when I am not listening or able to listen I remove myself from the picture as one would take a deep breath and pause and wait....

If I cannot recite twenty things about someone I have kissed and known physically/ intimately something is deeply off with my connection to my inner being.

What’s in a name? David proved me wrong in that assumption. There is far more to be found in a list of twenty. Have you been paying attention? And to what? Are you allowing for intimacy based on your heart’s fiery curiosity for knowing? Or are you stuck in your ego’s need to take stock in the outcome, your attractiveness, your decision to invest time spent with this being?

When someone licks you out in the world you have every right to take stock in the moment and pause. You can ask question’s, listen, hesitate this is all part of intimacy. There is no requirement based on superficial interest that you lick a person back without investment.

If you do, I promise you uncertainty will show it’s ugly face regardless.

Better off doing it from the start. Twenty things is a good place to begin... not necessarily end.